They wont ever leave if we do. Many things keep us bound to narcissists far longer than they should. I think in some weird way I keep contact to somehow get to the bottom of it. Its also why they appear so happy with the new supply. Even if we found the strength to leave, we could feel a lack of resolve because they have had so much control in the past, we dont trust ourselves anymore. Im still trying to get over a 10-year thing with a narc woman. He kept trying to convince me that i was the crazy one and he is not a liar and not crazy. Just give it time. This is Not about YOU & I He had 4-5 jobs in the 4 years we were together. "Those who do care will already know, so a social media post won't . A lot harder. we are merly targets to feed him . But today and yesterday i miss him. I have since found out that all the abuse that she told me she had suffered at the hands of every man she had been in a relationship with was a complete lie to rope me in. It is sooo difficult when they are the nice narcissist. When meeting a new prospect, Id suggest the three strikes rule. I was contacted by the narcissist that I divorced in April. You mentioned a narcissist long lists of supply and he has that. Once you can accept this truth, that they will not change for all the love in the world then you are on your way. I know logically who he is (the therapist who we had seen together informed me the other day that my ex is actually very sociopathic and rare and this is a guy whose specialty is abusive, angry men)so I know on paper who and what he isyet WHY cant I get him OUT of my heart? I did and I am so much happier now. Trust me. Wow thank you this is was my life of the last six years hitting g ever nerve then when I got to the letter It click this was my relationship God bless anyone who is dating these gross humans. Stay strong and thank you all for the advise. I miss that person. I married an alcoholic whom didnt stay in recovery. Confirm you had be eloquent enough and hope is nana is better.. I have spent my whole life with narcissistic men beginning with my father. I think he keeps me going on daily basis but pain is enormous. I almost wonder if her condition is something PTSD and only mimics some of the traits of borderline. The abuse, mind games, control stopped and my life went on. Particularly w/ timingwhile there is no specific time frame or predictive behavior about how narcs gauge how much time is enough time before returning, Ive had seen instances where some have shown up about 6 months after they pull away and acting as if what theyve done, said or why they decided to pull away, mattered. He was cruel the first week, he was just heartless. Dont offer him any apologies for not being his friend. He would not keep dates and wouldnt show up. I dont know if you are one of them who can be treated, but perhaps you are. Explain to your attorney yes what happened but what you will and wont allow for your childs sake tug of war with a little one will be felt by little one but informing other adults in your circle your support system what you want for your That he didnt mean to hurt me, never wants to see me hurt..but no apology. Also, relationship between the BPD and NPD. I stricktly wrote him never never to contact me again. BPD psychopaths are the worst psychopaths, opposite to what you may suspect. In any case, tiredofliars8 and I sound like we went through a lot of the same kinds of things with a very similar personality type. but they in many ways are harder to get over then the male disordered. Yes, this recovery is certainly tough. He forgot about the online accounts and when he called a month ago, I let him know I knew where his new address was. .they disappear after they have disclosed too much. Respect yourself and go no contact . It was sad but in a different way. Not explanation. February 8, 2021 by Zan. She is now stopping me from seeing my son who is now three years old. let them back in in anyway and you will find yourself back at Day One, curled up in a fetal position. I was 20 back then, I didnt really pay much attention to that, I thought it was a mistake he had made and nothing more. It took me 48 years to finally go to NC. What they wont do is tell you about it. She actually blocked me from her social media within just a few short weeks of me sending her a few texts about wondering where my money was. Woke up with my heart beating . After crying, talking, and crying a lot more, he left, and I closed the door behind him. Early in our relationship my ex hubby wanted to get back together and he said while he loved me, he understood that my children needed their dad and if it was something I wanted he would step aside for the sake of my family. While I have grown stronger and finally did tell my Mom (I needed her support to get through this) it is still difficult to end a 20 year marriage that has been superficially good. So theyll get in there first. I see you are able to understand your Ex cognitivelyalthough the experience has left a stamp on your heart. But quicklyndenied it, and then, bam! I am embarrased. He said there is no woman like me, he loved only me couldnt imagion to be with some one els and everything from the love movies. It took this woman repeatedly telling me that I was abused for me to get it. Shes the youngest of 5 with 4 older brothers. What a typically thing to do for a N!!! She wants her life to be like the movies, so when she looks into my eyes, she is in love with her own reflection. All because I told him he was a liar and I didnt trust him. Its one big mind game. But sadly I dont see that happening. Then I finally said ok after he cried about how could you cut me off completely when we meant so much to each other Heres the problem. Either way, you dont want to be him right now. He has that spiritual persona and everyone thinks he is so wise and enlightened. I am seeing thats it really isnt me. This lady told me that this person who was a past love (its him by all descriptions), although it may seem that his circumstance has changed externally, internally, emotionally and mentally, nothing has changed. I stopped talking to his mother the day we spoke about that freezer as much as I love her, I stopped answering her calls. Stay strong and maybe think of this way that even strangers like me do care and will listen. And not fair to myself. They are scorpions. Best of luck in your recovery and with maintaining No Contact. I, too, was in love with The Charmer because, lets face it, although we know they are fake, we remain in love with the false image and the small moments of fun and love when we werent being abused. Get Zari's Book - Change Your Life. He began making friends unknown to me and did not include me on outings. As I left, here she comes in her truck with her 5 dogs and her mother? He was at her house thats up the street from me having a party. I feel he came into my life to teach me something, and ultimately broadened my compassion for others. After a couple months of torturing me with random text roller coaster conversation and stringing me along with a visit to my city that never happened, I let him go and firmly initiated no contact without knowing the term (he -graciously- never followed up and re-approached after I said goodbye, though of course a small part of me wishes he would have. Samantha, one reason is that they cant show their true colors to the new supply. Because narcissists only connect with people who provide narcissistic supply. And how do you tell someone that they may be dating a narc? He knew exactly how to use that to gain control of me, and soon we had the same old dynamics going. I know that I wanted the school year to end but being apart from you is not what I had in mind. I avoid face to face as much as possible, we communicate via email and phone messages. These types of guys care about one thing and one thing only and that's themselves. He is no friend of mine! We still feel their pain and still want to help them. This is just out of pure curiosity, but lets say that I decided not to pursue the money and just let things be. If we dont want this for our child.. why we do this to ourselfs. Second, psychologically, there is a constant tension inside us due to desiring someone who causes us such pain and yet periodically comes back to rescue us from it. I have learned so much by reading about NPD, sociopaths, etc., and I am grateful to know I am not the crazy one, even though I feel badly that other people have had to go through the same things! I must say this. I thought the same about my ex. When I say Im in love with you, I mean Im in love with being your sun, monopolizing your orbit, being your gravity, keeping you drawn back to me no matter how hard you try to jump or fly, keeping you down. However, out of the blue, your ex unblocked you but hasn't reached out. It was as if his mind completely changed and he realized I already knew too much and there was no going back. To answer your question, true Narcissists cannot be friends to anyone. Thanks for sharring. Theyre the type the narcissist can control. Sometimes you have to expose them because that may be the best way to make them realize they need help. Reblogged this on Living Life Creatively and commented: I have a hard head and have struggled for years. Great for recovery, its just since you want to know, I feel, so much what exactly her problem is, just google sites, recognising the proper name for the cluster, also Manipulative People by Dr. George K. Simon. Now I know he was never really sorry. I still find myself missing her quite often, but I dont want to make it look like I am trying to give this woman credit by any means. I pray you have found a Christian counselor who can help you to truly forgive all those you need to forgive and to receive the necessary healing to move forward, however God may lead you. I did that because i am sure he gets a kick out of it if he sees me broken on the floor. And that the whole points. Poor thing..shell learn soon enough. Do you wanna know what it is? They rarely let their mask slip completely. Your ex hasn't changed his or her mind about getting . Your the Controlling, Manipulative , Abusive One. I have been going to therapy for the month and will be moving out next month. He actually hit me with a bag of garbage and then dumped the garbage over all of my belongings (which I was trying to get together at the time to physically leave.) Think about it, we still Love them, even after everything awful & unforgivable that they have ever said & done to us, we still can & do Love them. Thank you also for your follow. Further, she may have settled with the new guy for the simple fact that he doesnt see her for what she is, and you do. Anyways reading other peoples stories makes me feel better and cope with things better. He is over committef financially, yet says him and the new girl are thinking of renting a house together. Told him this time I do have something to say. I also ensured there my ex-narcissist would ever contact me again when I removed his mask and caused a major narcissistic injury. Karen!!! -Highly romantic in words; cannot walk the talk He changed his number, his job, got himself a girlfiend, a house together, holidays, cars, boys toys, all the while I struggled to live daily and raise our kids. She told me the very same thing happened to her and she could not make herself forgive after this, my ex says she is full of shit, because he went to her for advice on marriage and she obviously had different intentions. I need to regain myself esteem, stop thinking everything i do is for her, never good enough ext. Also, my husbands girlfriend was beaten very badly by her alcoholic ex and she has a special needs child. Instead, my advice would be no contact, forget him and find something that could love you back. Its only in a weak moment when he has some contact with his heart that he contacts you. I know two men that have had narc ex-wives and they are crazy womenjust as mentally sick as my ex. All I can hope for w/ my NPD/BPD is that Life serves him a cold dish of karma, and perhaps a nice swift kick right where he needs it, so the he wont be so obsessed w/ funstuff, or play a person like a toy for a long, long whileand I hope Ill be around to hear about it. He cheated on me with multiple people during my pregnancy and after I had my child. He could be very supportive and I joked that he was a woman whisperer a kind of guy that there was some reciprocity there he could listen just as well as he would talk. With all of their comings and goings, its naturalto wonder ifthis time, when they leave, its the final time. Interesting!!! Rod thanks for your input. He may move in with her but it wont last. Everything Im reading is exactly what has been happening in my life. She does not even know me. Not intentionally, just when you are child growing up in that, that is all you know and that is your comfort zone, on a nearly subconscious level. The pain is so deep. Attempting to deny that we were ever friendly, that we were lovers, that he acted like my boyfriend, that he romanced me, confided in me (and thanked me for being supportive of him), that he said me missed me and wanted to be with me, that he told me several times over the years that he wanted me to come visit him overseas in several different countries, that he said he would always make time for me.and the list goes on and on. I received a text from her shortly after her borrowing the money that she had a check in the mail for me! I did, and that was when she came after me with reckless abandon. 1. Finally Cameron is back with Kym she took him back in the last week. And they are right. If that happened , all their stories of how you were the crazy monster and them the victim would fall apart before their very eyes . He also has the impulsivity but again dont narcissists? The more constituted him being deported!! This is when she got her hooks in me. I had to go back into the house to get some other items and took them out to him. Cara, Im sorry for all the sorrow youve experienced. I wont ever be again. Did the narcissist leave you for a new love and is now having second thoughts? Some days i feel better and laughing again. I am in the very beginning stages of leaving my narcissistic Abuser. THERE IS NOTHING THEY DONT KNOW EXACTLY ABOUT WHAT THEY ARE DOING AND WHY, NO UNCONSCIOUS!!! I caution all men that it is fun to have a beauty on your arm but at what cost. Its no secret that narcissists are good in bed, and they know this. Then again, she knows that I obsess about these things. Relationships seem so ridiculous to me now. That is, if you were in no contact long enough, which is usually a month or two at least. Reply . Private messages sent over Facebook included some pictures she wanted to make sure his wife would never see of him taking body shots off of half naked woman, and pictures if the two of them together. Instead, refer them to a counselor, and keep it moving. Or does he think this well work out for him in the long run? My point is for me six months silence and those kinds of insults mean you must despise me and want nothing to do with me because you think Im such a horrible individual. Your ex will give you signs that they want you back but these signs aren't always easy to be noticed. Pretty silly aspirations huh!? In retrospect all those times that she said if you cant get me this or that i will find someone that will I never really appreciated the fact that she meant it. Stay in controle. Here are nine ways a narcissist treats their exes. New friends, starting a new lifefinding the old me again and feeling great. A mail with subject `STOP FOR EVER WITH CONTACT!. That was almost two years ago, and we never saw each other, spoke, or texted again. document.getElementById( "ak_js_2" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Free Training 7 Proven Strategies to Defeat Narcissistic Abuse. But the real challenge is when he contacts me. I just ignore it. They are so patient like a wild animal waiting to strike. I have not spoken to her in over three months now, and have not sent out a text since April 1st. However, he did do the character assassination and tried to make me look like the crazy one. Thank you all for the advise and help. I can hardly read these posts without my mind blowing. This methodology behavioral, is used in many scientific fields, mine for ex. The time line fits the puzzle. Reading Suggestion: The Narcissist Discard phase. Theyll use this opportunity to butter you up and tell you how awesome you are, that theyre still in love with you, and if you cant be lovers, theyll settle for just friends. Mine seemed disinterested and almost pretended they were not there. Many of us found ourselves caught in it for years. I dont know much about borderlines but I do know my ex fits most of narcissist diagnosis without the nastiness. However, he is trying hoovering to get me back. I have taken myself out of the triangle and am allowing them to self destruct. Weeks before she blocked me, she exclaimed that I was such an AMAZING friend, and I have the biggest, most caring heart of anyone she knows. What did he do? This particular one is taking a really long time in comparison to how often we actually spent together. I think he was very injured when I didnt reply to his Happy New Years text. She will never admit it though. We both need to move on. And yes, work on yourself and commit to attracting HEALTHY women in to your life! Never did it occur that I would, but heres my advice: Dont attack. I was too sick to get to police and didnt understand what was going on due to brain infection/surgery. Ill have to look into. Even though its been 9 months, the fact that you reached out to him a week ago probably makes him think you still have hopes of reconciliation, so its quite possible that he could pop back onto the scene at some point in the future by virtue of your still trying to make contact after so long. We also heal in pretty much the same way, at first. So little is discussed about the evil women on this site, but they in many ways are harder to get over then the male disordered. last time i posted here i said i was pretty sure the narc ex would leave me alone because he embarrassed himself pretty badly and now realized what i think of him. then I found out why. The initial part maybe not so bad since I thought he meant what he said about saving our marriage. Lol I love your description of the jealousy with the overweight woman who glares at you!????? But a little. She is so orientated by money. They will even compare the level of supply they get from different partners. Then I got the silent treatment, he bought me a birthday gift put it in my back door but still would talk to me. I dont mean that. But lets say he calls or texts, then what? Indirect manipulation. I know that no contact is the best option and will fight to keep it like that. I will have to be strong and say no otherwise will go back in the vicious circle. He seems to enjoy freedom, but why hold onto me at same time? No contact. I came across this at a time where I so desperately needed it. I know how you feel. Our nieghborhood has its own beach, were on the waterway. Yes loyalty is NOT their strong suit thats for sure. He love bombed her from the beginning, writing her poems (mine did that) and texting her sweet nothing constantly. proclamations of love This website was how do you say it? The couple have been together for nearly 15 years and the odd request left the . Your N will always be an empty soul. Narcs cant hide their true selves for long. Their partner saw past the mask, realized they were flawed and left. We should have a LAT relation. The silent treatments. He doesnt know how NOT to lie, seek attention (va social media) and manipulate. Just a note to say, hi, and pray you are doing okYou have been on my heart over the past couple of weeks, so I felt like I needed to reach out, now that some time has passed since we last spoke. If he is a true Narcissist (without empathy) then there is no sense getting back in touch with him. Someone took away his lollipop and there is hell to pay. I also want you to know that Im not angry with you, but I am sad some and I do miss you. I think why I am asking this , is because he used to accuse me of overreacting all the time and being clingy. I actually had to watch what clothes I chose so he wouldnt accuse me of trying to get other mens attention. I said I do, but I wont let you have that satisfaction of wAtching me fight. If you left because you could no longer handle the cycle of abuse, they only treated you that way because your actions forced them to. My ex really really did try harder with me and I know this for a fact but it was always precipitated by me dumping him. Please read this article. Do not reply block them from everything you can. HiHe is still on your mind that much, you really need to go no Contact, he is playing games but your allowing it. He doesnt want that getting out. sent me a love song via email. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. If some of my friends and colleagues were in the mental health profession, then why was my disorder not detected? He knows Im having a baby and that Im vulnerable yet he has no problem disappearing. Nothing changes. Clears up a lot for many of us who still question how the hell we got into this situation for so long. I cant imagine living an entire life with no escape or if I tried being brought to submission or outcast from family and friends. I thought I lost a gold ring until seven months after discovering in a shop display for sale. I didnt until I met mine. The problems between us also caused him to pull away from my daughter who had only known him since her birth, after our marriage and we all came to live together their relationship crumbled as well, come the first birth of our 2 daughters together their relationship had completely dissolved. And he will never change. Eden your post could have been written by me. Block him from texting, calling, email, FB. lack of communication and time spent on the relationship, lack of clarity in what his needs/wants/expectations were, lack of definition of my status in his life, etc). I definitely have some work on myself I need to do though. Hopefully, youve never been punched in the gut before, so you dont know how it feels. They usually do, whether sooner or later. I know for a fact that my ex dated a narc for three years and also has a child with him, and I truly believe that the pain he caused her affected her so bad psychologically that she has taken it out on the men that have come after him. We need to change .. Im exhausted . Theyll disappear for a couple of weeks and then pop up out of the blue and start trying to woo the ex. I new no one in dayton new to the area married for twenty eight years grievieng hard . This will have to suffice. My story is a little different I THINK. Instead he tried to destroy a familial relationship I held dear and he succeeded in that.. not that he's aware of that. How do you go no contact if the narcissist is your childs father? They are full of jealousy, rage, insecurity, and hatred. If you have established NC where does all the rage go? The stories outlined and referenced are so very similar to my experience with my narc. It has been 3 weeks now of No Contact and on a weekly basis the phone rings and a text is sent trying to make a connection to me. PLEASE, DONT TAKE IT AS AN EXUSE, NC should be implemented, because WATEVER INTENTIONS ARE ONE CANNOT STAY IN RELATIONSIPS WITH BPD. I blocked him from my social media profiles about 2 months ago. Either that, or he is just like her, and they will put each other through it together. Trust me,in hind sight he leaving would hav been the best of pa be. I cannot describe it. Thank you FREEATLAST for publishing that note! I myself went three months w/o contact before I caved in and agreed to a disastrous conversation. After a nice, balanced visit to his city for a few days, I returned home to relate to a very different person. When the next argument arises and it will, you will be devalued and discarded and its all your fault. My ex was with another woman last year who apparently was his best friend. Anupturnedsoul opened my eyes to something I didnt know. Maybe a couple of conversations will be amazing, but dont let on they are. I WAS VERY SICK 1/2018 W pneumonia. WOW Your story was almost identical to mine except I was going through divorce when that demon Narc targeted me. He would never leave if you were worthy to him. As a Christian, I dont want to have sex until I am married but I also wouldnt move in with someone either. Other women I have dated that possesed BPD traits were easier to see their faults. Its difficult to comprehend that the person I was with was an imposter. Only those who have been there can understand, even among the professional therapists. Will I have to spend the rest of my life worried that he will make a sudden appearance in my life just because or to cause trouble personally or professionally? AMONGST 14 OTHER PPL. I would be hard pressed not to lose it on her..u dont mess with peoples children. He knew what he was doing and he did it again. I just think he knows everything I do for him and no one else will be that way what do you think. I asked my husband to leave and he went straight to the first girl that boosted his ego. It is all a game to them As you can imagine, narcissistic jealousy leans more towards the negative side of things. I never hit her or anything even though she slapped me, punched me in the face, damage my property, talked bad about me to other people talked bad about my friends and family. Go figure. Thats the weakness of women who loves so much. At that point, thats the one thing the narcissist can never take from you againno matter what he or she decides to do after that. Past the mask, realized they were flawed and left and i am married but i do, but let. Save my name, email, and soon we had the same way, you dont know about! Months now, and website in this browser for the advise and feeling great NOTHING! 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